He Won’t Leave His Father and Mother – Why That Can Be a Really Big Deal

A Who Appears Frustrated About Leaving His Parents

Frustrated Over Leaving His Parents

When I say he won’t leave his father and mother, of course, you know, that is a problem if he will not physically leave his former home.  However, the failure to leave mentally can be just as large a problem.  Sometimes it is even more of a problem, because you don’t find out about it until after the marriage takes place.  Then, when it dawns on you, you become very frustrated, and you really have problems figuring out how to handle it.  It can be the source of many fights between you and your husband.

He won’t leave his mother and father? You may not have that actual physical problem, but it may seem like it. You are are unsure if he will leave his mother, mentally and emotionally. You also notice that he depends very much upon his father when it comes time for him to make decisions.

This need to leave, at least mentally, it is a very important part of certain relationship psychology basics.

You are convinced of his love for you. If he won’t leave his father and mother, emotionally, will that really interfere with your wonderful relationship?

Actually some of the best words of advice ever given were that a man should leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife. There will definitely be cleaving problems if your husband does not make that mental break with his own family.

Often we joke about a wife saying that she will just will “go home to mother” when she gets frustrated. It is just as serious though, if the husband is not committed to leaving his parents to form the new family.

Here are five steps you can take to deal with this concern:

1. Talk About It

So, this is something for you to really examine before you get married. If there are signs of a very close family, that is not necessarily a bad thing, but you do want to make sure that this “leaving” will actually take place. It certainly is a point for pre-marital discussion.

2. Be Aware of the Problems

Perhaps you should try to identify potential problems that could arise from him, or you for that matter, not leaving his father and mother–at least in his mind.

3. If You Physically Have to Live with One set of Parents, Make Sure the Mental Leaving Takes Place

It sometimes becomes necessary for financial reasons for a couple to live with one of their parents. If that happens, it is even more important that this mental leaving takes place.

4. Make a Commitment to Begin Working on This Before You Get Married

Both of you can begin the mental leaving before the actual leaving takes place. Planning for the wedding is one area where this might be tested. Remember it is YOUR wedding, so hold firm on your own preferences.

5. Tell Each Other How Excited You Are To Have a Life Together

If your jobs take you away from the area, that will sort of sad, in one way, but it will give you the advantage of physical distance between you and your parents. Whether there is a physical leaving or not, be excited about your life together.

So, these five things will help you when it seems like he won’t leave his father, or he won’t leave his mother. It is very important because, you see, it really is a big deal!

Find out more about this topic as part of the free mini-course available ride here at our He Won’t Leave His Father and Mother website. Check out  more of the blog posts with many more marriage articles and tips for marital bliss.

If you have had a fight over this very issue, and you want to get back together, let me introduce you to someone who can really help.

(Copyright 2010 by Dr. Randy Carney) You may reprint this article if you print it in full, leve all links and the resource box intact, and give credit to the author.
November 30, 2010 | admin | No Comments »

Relationship Psychology Basics – How They Affect Your Marriage

Many things affect a marriage. For instance, we spend a lot of time trying to learn how to understand our spouses. In

Wedding - Young Married Couple

Relationship Psychology Basics Affect Young Married Couples

 so doing, we find that many psychological issues affect our communication attempts in marriage. Relationship psychology basics can help us comprehend many things. Relationships can take quite different turns. Actually, relationships are peculiar things. One day a relationship will be tremendous, but the next day or just a short time later, it may be horrendously hard for the couple to get along. So, a major thing we want to do in marriage is to learn how to communicate with each other, and many psychological factors affect that. In this article, we will examine how relationship psychology basics affect you and your marriage.

If you don’t understand relationship psychology basics, you may soon find yourself in need of a relationship rescue plan.

What is worse than that, you may find it very difficult to identify the things that trigger good times or bad times. Because of this, you find it almost impossible to predict what will happen in your relationship. These complex realities are the only explanations for how a couple can be madly in love one day, and then they are ready to file for divorce the next?

You see? It all seems to depend upon psychology.

Does that view mean that a psychologist can restore any relationship?

Hardly, but some interesting things to consider do exist. One of my friends who is not a psychologists by trade has had excellent success at helping many people get back together. Even though hid did not have formal psychological training, he does have an excellent understanding of relationship psycology basics. Maybe having some insights into how men and women think will help you maintain your present relationship, and maybe that will also help you to make your current relationship much, much stronger.

The National Institute of Mental Health commissioned a study that found that the majority of young couples (18 to 21 years of age) avoided being overly intimate–in the deepest sense of the word–with one another. The study found that these young people tried to remain as independent as they possibly could in the early years of their relationships.

Even though this was true, the results also showed strong evidence that they worried about being abandoned or rejected. While that was generally true, those with higher self-esteem indicated that they didn’t worry as much as the others.

In addition to those findings about younger people, older couples did not show as much of a tendency for this type of behavior. Probably this is because they have had more life experiences, and, really, they do not worry as much as younger people do about what others think of them.

They just don’t worry as much about breaking up.
Interestingly, this attitude actually makes it less likely that they will break up.

Of course, breakups can happen at any age, not just to young people.

Researchers also record that there are differences between men and women when it comes to conversing. Women sometimes steer the conversation in certain directions, whereas men tend to react to things as they come.

You can easily see how that would cause conflict.

These differences in communication often mean that what you meant to say might not be what the other person perceives you as meaning. Understanding some of these differences can help you when you try to converse with your spouse.

These are a few of the psychological explanations for how relationships develop, but there are many more. Studying the effects of differences between men an women can be fascinating, but just making such a study is not enough to keep the marriage going well. What a good marriage really needs is work and commitment.

If you think that things could be better in your relationship, keep these relationship psychology basics in mind. This information give you a good start to restoring or enriching your relationship. Some professional counselors can help you understand the psychology of relationships, but you can do much research on your own too.

Get all the information you can about relationship psychology basics, and then use that information to your best advantage.

(Copyright 2010 by Dr. Randy Carney) You may reprint this blog post if you print it in full, leave all links and the resource box intact, and give credit to the author.

November 29, 2010 | admin | No Comments »

Your Relationship Rescue Plan – How to Succeed in 3 Easy Steps

Yesterday, we talked about, “What do you really need to get back together?” Today, we will talk about how to formulate a relationship rescue plan.

We can safely assume that everyone would agree that there is no such thing as a perfect relationship. To be fair, many couples do get along very well, but perfection simply is not attainable. On the other hand, some relationships are so far from perfection that they are about to fall apart. If that hits a sore spot, then you may need a relationship rescue.

Even though there are no perfect relationships, you will do well to strive for perfection–to keep trying to improve your relationship. This is important because doing so keeps you focused on the relationship. Couples need to understand that being happy together doesn’t happen without any effort on their part. Good relationships take work. So, if you want to rescue a poor relationship, then you need to be willing to do whatever it takes to make it succeed.

Let’s be blunt. Accomplishing this won’t be easy. It’s hard enough when a relationship is running smoothly, and if yours has problems, it’s going to be much, much harder. But, as they say, all good things are worth fighting for. Get ready. Roll up your sleeves. Let’s get started!

Here are three easy steps to designing and implementing your relationship rescue plan:

1. Step back and look at things.
The first thing you need to do is take a step back and try to look at things as though you are on the outside looking in. How would you describe what’s going on? Where are you at fault? Where could you improve? What things are going well enough to keep you together for now? The goal of questions like these is to help you see things as they really are.

2. Talk to your mate.
Once you have an idea of what’s really going on, you need to talk to your husband or wife. This can be very difficult. The key here is to remain calm, honest, rational and respectful. Do not let things get out of control. You want to avoid arguing at all costs. All you are really doing is presenting the facts as you understand them. You may be surprised to find that your spouse has felt just as you have.

3. Make your relationship rescue plan.
Now that you have talked to each other, it’s time begin making a plan for relationship rescue. Your plan depends on your specific situation. Each person is different, and every couple is different. While there is not one plan that will work for everyone, there are some good resources available that can help you. There are websites, books, guides, counseling options and other resources out there. However, none of them will do you any good unless you actually take action on what you learn.

You need to commit to your plan. It takes time and work, but as your relationship improves, it will seem easier. It will be so much nicer when you start seeing results. Results are a great source of motivation. Once you get a taste of how well your relationship rescue plan works, you will be even more motivated to improve.

Learn more about formulating a relationship rescue plan at the Get Back Together Page on this website.

T.W. Jackson has some great resources that will help with developing your relationship rescue plan.

Happy planning to you!

November 14, 2010 | admin | Tags: , | No Comments »

What Do You Really Need to Get Back Together?

What do you really need to get back together? This could be where you are not physically apart–just where you had a little spat. That is not something that is of too much concern unless you do not resolve things and allow things to fester.

On the other hand, we may actually be talking about where one of you has moved out. What do you really need to get back together?

Do you need to apologize? Yes, but it must be done in the right way.

Are there some techniques that will just pester my spouse and drive him or her farther away? There certainly are. You need to be aware of those and avoid them.

Are there techniques that will cause my spouse to be drawn to me. The good news is, “Yes!” You need to implement as many of these as possible.

Could I ask for a second chance? Of course, but, again, you must be careful when doing this. Get as much information as you can when writing a second-chance letter.

Finally, you need to get a handle on your life, regardless of the outcome. When you do this, you will become more confident and more attractive to your spouse. Even if things don’t work out (although, they likely will workout if you apply techniques properly), you will come out better than you are now.

Check out more information on the Get Back Together Page, but don’t just stop there, go on to get The Magic of Making Up. That could be one of the best moves you make in the near future!

November 13, 2010 | admin | Tags: , | No Comments »