Finishing New Book Today

You Can Help with This Book

You Can Help with This Book

I am submitting files to my publisher, For Worthy Books, today for From Mountains to Molehills: Overcoming and Celebrating Your Differences in Marriage.

A Kindle version will also be coming soon.

Please be on the lookout for both.

This book contains several chapters that were added as result of a survey that was done this summer, so it is quite up-to-date and relevant.

Announcement coming soon.

You did help make the book title when you responded to the earlier survey.

Thanks for your help.

Randy

Here Is the Survey That Will Help the New Marriage Book–You Can Be a Part

As I mentioned earlier, I am writing a new book on marriage. This one will be about overcoming differences in marriage. I have much of the content written but I could add up to 50 more pages (as the book would appear in the print version–This will be a kindle version). You really could help make the book more current if you would be so kind as to fill out this short survey of only 9 questions. This is a picture of my good friends, Jon and Jenny Brown. Jon consented to endorse an earlier book, and I had the privilege of helping to perform their wedding ceremony a few years ago (well I guess it was a few–their oldest child just left for college).

Jon and Jenny Brown

Jon and Jenny Brown

I am sure they won’t mind my rebroadcast of this picture. They gave permission to use it to promote my writing and speaking activities.

I chose the picture because it looked like peace and harmony. I hope they haven’t just had a big fight :).

You can see Jon’s comments on another page on this website. Look for the “See What Others Are Saying” section

In this survey, you will again have the opportunity to give input on the title, and your answers will really shape the direction of the remainder of the book.

This is the same survey that appears as a link on Facebook, so if you have already filled it out there, I give you my thanks.

If you have not already done so, please take a few minutes here to help with finishing the book and to help marriages that are struggling, perhaps, to overcome their differences. You will also have the opportunity, if you wish, to tell how you overcame something in your marriage.

Here is the survey link: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/GVLMJ8M

Wouldn’t it be great to experience peace and harmony every day in your marriage? Doing so will bring about one of the keys to marital bliss.

Thanks in Advance for those who choose to help.

The last book hit the bestseller list several times on Amazon. Please help us to make this one a good one too.

You can get a copy of the last book, 21 Ways the Principle of Leaving Will Benefit Your Marriage, by clicking here.

Slower-Paced Relationships–Good or Bad?

Is it really good to have a slower-paced relationship? Often, it can be–provided things don’t drag on to the point of excess.
My friend, Ken Leatherman, sent me the basis for this article, and gave permission to edit it as I saw fit:
Slow-Paced Relationships–All People Have Their Own Pace
People all have their own unique pace. Some people always seem to be set on high all the time, others like the slow and steady route a little better. Having different rhythms is natural, but when it comes to relationships this condition can cause misunderstandings. If you find yourself involved with someone who likes Slow-paced relationships don’t assume it is because someone like that isn’t interested.
That is the biggest problem people run into, someone who is a little fast-paced may feel that his (or her)  partner isn’t interested if the partners wants a slow-paced relationship. Once you get past your own insecurities, you may want to consider taking things a little slower. That isn’t a bad thing… as long as you both talk and are both on the same page.
One of the big problems that many couples have is that they move too fast anyway. When you are going at top speed it is easy to miss potential problems in the relationship, and it is easy to mistake temptation to lust (or just the desire for companionship) for love.
Slowing things down a little bit basically forces both of you to see the other person as he and people like him or her really are and not just how you want them to be. Again, another problem in relationships is that people often don’t see the things that are right in front of their face. The faster you are going, the harder it is to catch your breath and see things in your relationship clearly.
All in all, there is really no downside to going at a slower pace in your relationship but you both need to remember that the two of you need to determine just what each of you means by “taking things slowly”.
If one of you has one idea of what “slow” relates to and the other person has another idea it may lead to misunderstandings and hurt feelings.
Of course, this can happen in all aspects of your relationship, not just the speed at which you want it to move, that a perfectly innocent misunderstanding can cause a lot of trouble. The two of you really need to find a healthy way of communicating right from the very beginning  of your relationship. If you can do that every aspect of your relationship will be easier if you can utilize skills like these to overcome your different levels of pacing.
If your partner wants to take things slow, don’t get upset or read too much into it. Peple like you should talk to your partners. Talk to them about what their expectations are and what they mean by slow. Make sure you both are on  the same page and always keep the communication lines open.
Going at a slower pace will make it easier for you both to get to know each other. Getting to know each other, along with learning good communication skills, can allow you both to have a better relationship. Slow pace relationships are good, so don’t get worried if your partner wants to take things slow.

Three Basic Questions

In the pages of The LOVING Way to a Successful MARRIAGE, I often make mention of the fact that one of our major commitments in a marriage is simply to commitment to overcome. We have many things to overcome. We have different backgrounds. We may have different temperaments. We have basic differences even in the process of how men and women think.

Six Keys to Marital Bliss

The LOVING Way to a Successful Marriage: Six Keys to Marital Bliss

One of the most significant differences, however, comes about in relation to how we respond to the “love and respect” cycle (sometimes called the “crazy cycle” 🙂 ). This tension is illustrated extremely well by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs’ book, Love and Respect. I just recently read an article of his that boils our tensions in marriage down the three central questions and our responses.Love and Respect

You might want to check out the article at http://loveandrespect.com/blog/three-central-questions/.

For additional help in dealing with such a crazy cycle as listed above, look at the closing three chapters of The LOVING Way to a Successful Marriage: Six Keys to Marital Bliss.

May the Lord help each of us as we attempt to live out the principle of “overcoming” in our marriages. It’s really good when that process actually turns out to be fun!

Good Decision-Making: A Must for Successful Marriages

Many of you who have read my book, The LOVING Way to a Successful Marriage, know that one of the keys to marital bliss is to have a commitment to “overcome.” You have many things to overcome in a marriage. Part of what you have to overcome is difficult communication, and part of that difficulty has to do with the fact that men and women think differently.

I don’t just mean that they have different opinions. The thought processes are actually different.

Bill and Pam Farrell do an excellent job of articulating how those differences affect marriages in their unique treatment of the subject called, Men Are Like Waffles: Women Are Like Spaghetti.

The also have some good ideas for decision-making.

You might want to check out their work:

The 10 Best Decisions A Couple Can Make

“What are the 10 Best Decisions a Couple can Make to Build the love of their dreams? If you could remodel your marriage, what would you want it to look like? In this tool chest of relationship building skills, Pam & Bill will help you discover the untapped potential in your marriage – and provide you with the inspiration and expert advice you need to strengthen, protect, and re-charge your marriage. Whether your marriage needs an extreme makeover or you simply want to add a few finishing touches, you’ll find the right tools for the job in 10 Best Decisions a Couple Can Make. Small group and couple discussion questions as well as Mentoring Moments included. (formerly Every Marriage is a Fixer Upper).” (From their website, http://love-wise.com/)

The book is available through Harvest House Publishers.

If you would like to pick up more skills on understanding each other, getting along, and overcome differences in marriage, you could find quite a bit about that in The LOVING Way to a Successful Marriage: Six Keys to Marital Bliss.

Dare to Care Interview

Today, I was interviewed by Kent Mattox and Cris Corzine on the weekly radio program of Caring Counseling Ministries in Marion, IL.
Caring Counseling Ministries

Christian Counseling for Southern Illinois

Caring Counseling Ministries performs a wonderful service by proving Christian Counseling for those in need in the Southern Illinois area.
Caring Counseling Ministries Header
I encourage you to check out their website at http://caringcounseling.webs.com/.
During the interview, I gave a history of my background in ministry and Christian Education, and we talked about my current involvement with Morthland College. The bulk of the interview dealt with my book: The LOVING Way to a Successful Marriage: Six Keys to Marital Bliss. We had some fun in our discussion and we covered a smattering of the concepts presented in each of the six parts of the book.
My hosts were very gracious, and I think we all had a good time during our discussion.
If you have Windows Media Player (or something that will play a .WMA file) you will probably be able to listen to the program at the following link:
Dare to Care Interview

Cincopa WordPress plugin

(The file is large and takes a while to buffer. After several seconds I clicked on the gray progress bar-backing up slightly and it began to play. Please try it and wait even a minute or two. Well, the next time I tried it, it started right away. The first few comments were between programs, so the interview is actually there after a minute or two. Maybe I can tweak some more later. You may have to turn your speakers up a little; however, using headphones worked well for me.)
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Bless you, and, anyway, I had a good time during the interview. (Their program usually airs on Friday afternoon from 2:00 to 2:30 on WGGH AM 1150 in Marion, IL.)

Jack Canfield and The Success Principles

Chicken Soup for the Soul–Who has not heard of that? Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen started a wonderful series of encouraging and positive books, and that series has encouraged millions of people around the world.

In addition to that, Jack has written The Success Principles: Getting from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be! It

The Success Principles

Jack Canfield and The Success Principles

looks to be a powerful book filled with 64 success principles.

This website is about successful marriage, so of course I am interested in success principles, especially as to how they can be applied to marriage.

Here are some intriguing benefits that can be received by applying the principles in Mr. Canfield’s book:

  • How to change the outcome of any event, simply by changing your response to it
  • How to complete past projects, heal past relationships and process old hurts, so you can embrace the future
  • How to say “no” to the good, so you’ll have room in your life to say “yes” to the great
  • Why you should drop out of the “Ain’t It Awful” Club and instead surround yourself with success, positive and nurturing people.

I noticed how those four principles could benefit any marriage.

“How to change the outcome of any event, simply by changing your response to it” is something I would like to look into from his perspective. In our marriage seminars, we talk about how to break a “crazy cycle”, in part using some ideas from Emerson Eggerichs.

“How to complete past projects, heal past relationships and process old hurts, so you can embrace the future” is another important principle. in the book, The LOVING Way to a Successful Marriage: Six Keys to Marital Bliss, I talk

The LOVING Way to a Successful Marriage

The LOVING Way to a Successful Marriage

about the importance of the principle of “leaving” in which I talk about the importance of leaving behind past relationships and getting rid of “baggage” we bring with us into the marriage relationship.

“How to say ‘no’ to the good, so you’ll have room in your life to say ‘yes’ to the great” is a great principle. I have often said that the “good” is often the worst enemy of the “best.” It is easy to see that it is a good choice to choose the good over the bad; however, it is often less easy to see that we miss out on the best when simply settle for the good. We want to have marriages that thrive instead of those that just survive.

Speaking of choosing the best, one of the most popular and entertaining sessions of our marriage seminars is “Don’t Just Be in the Marriage Game. Go for the Championship!”

“Why you should drop out of the ‘Ain’t It Awful’ Club and instead surround yourself with success, positive and nurturing people” certainly sounds like good advice. That could help many marriages too.

Of course, I especially look for principles that are not contrary to the principles of the Bible. I do not think we create reality with our words, but if we set goals and follow through with action, we can certainly see great measures of success.

If you are interested in success in general, you might want to check out Mr. Canfield’s book. If you are looking for principles for a successful marriage in particular, you may find it very helpful to browse around on this site for a while.

A Great Time!

We had a wonderful time at the marriage and couples’ relationship seminar at Thompsonville First Baptist Church last weekend.

Randy and Rhonda Carney Will be Speaking at the Marriage Seminar at Thompsonville First Baptist Church

Randy and Rhonda Carney

Pastor John Robinson did a wonderful job of being our host for the evening, and Tracy Clem helped with the sound, PowerPoint and other technical details. We also appreciate Rusty Carney being our photographer, and we hope to post some of those pictures here soon.

How did it go? Well, Rhonda and I had a good time, and that is always a good sign.

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Here are comments made about the event:

“This was a great program! I loved the scale for the 10 items important in a marriage. I am excited to meet the needs with my husband. Thanks for showing us a great relationship.”

“I like how easy and relaxed the session was and no pressure.”

“Enjoyed it very much. Appreciate the example of the Carney marriage.”

“Men’s breakout session was excellent. Questions and discussion in breakout sessions could be interesting.”

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When asked about the best ideas the participants received and planned to use, we were told the following:

“Do what you need to do in your marriage for God.”

“Taking more initiative to go out of my way to meet more of his need and be more thoughtful and complimenary.”

“Tips on how to meed the need for affection.”

“The Energizing Cycle!”

“Don’t ‘stonewall.'”

“Breakout session”

“To encourage my husband daily.”

“Act and react motivation”

So, you can see that we had a good time. We are looking at combining events like these with our fundraising option. (We will put up a page about that on this website soon.)

If you would like to book Randy for your event (any area), click on “Request Randy” above. If you would like to have both of us (mostly local area only), mention that in the comment box when you go to the request page.

Marriage Seminar in Two Days!

Randy and Rhonda Carney Will be Speaking at the Marriage Seminar at Thompsonville First Baptist Church

Randy and Rhonda Carney

Rhonda and I have the great privilege of putting on a marriage-enrichment seminar (engaged couples are welcome too 🙂 ) at the First Baptist Church of Thompsonville, Illinois.

Rhonda is actually speaking twice that day. During the noon hour, she will be speaking to a group of ladies at Rescue Free Will Baptist Church in Ewing, IL. She was asked to speak about what it is like to be parents of missionaries. Our son, Rusty, his wife, Brenda, and our four-year-old granddaughter, Grace, are missionaries in Hokkaido, Japan. They are home here in the States for a few months. For my part, the distance is sometimes hard, but we would rather have them in the will of God than to be physically close and not in His will.

Then, in the middle of the afternoon, we are going to a celebration of years of ministry for our good friends, Jerry and Emma Herring. You could sort of say that Jerry is retiring, although he is still pastoring a church in Cypress, IL.

Then at 6:00 that evening, we go to the Marriage seminar. We begin with a meal. Then we have a general session where I am the keynote speaker. Following a short break, we go into breakout sessions. I am with the husbands for that, and Rhonda is with the wives. Following another short break, we will have the closing general session with both Rhonda and me.

We are looking to a fun evening with a lot of light-hearted moments as we deal with a sometimes heavy subject. Some of the things we will be discussing are:

  • Don’t Just Be In the Marriage Game — Go for the Championship!
  • Men, What Do You and Michael Jordan Have in Common?
  • How to Break the “Crazy Cycle”
  • Leadership Lessons Learned from Jesus
  • Two of Your Husband’s Greatest Needs
  • How to Get Your Husband to Talk to You
  • How to Help Your Wife Feel Your Love

Some attended this seminar last year, and at that time, I gave an overview of the six keys to marital bliss. There is so much in that book, that less than ten percent of the material we cover this time will be a repeat of last year’s content.

We are looking forward to the evening very much, and we pray that everyone will come away with several, but at least one, good idea(s) that will benefit his or her marriage in a great way.

The church has informed me that they will be able to continue accepting new registrations today and tomorrow, so here is a link for information about it: http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=100227836732299.

Advice On Unrequited Love – Stop Shooting Yourself Down

Want Advice On Unrequited Love? – Then Stop

Shooting

Yourself Down!

If someone doesn’t love you back, you have two options: One is to win back his or her love. The other is to accept what you don’t seem to be able to change. If you are married, and the situation does not involve infidelity, abuse or abandonement, the first option is what you will major on.

Of course, if the situation does involve infidelity, abuse or abandonment, then you may have an option (though not required) to split up on a more or less permanent basis.

I’m not really sure that there is anything worse than loving someone who does not love you. It can be torture to have such strong emotions and not have them returned. No one can make it all go away, but there here is a little advice on unrequited love that may make things a little easier.

It may sound like a cliche, but it is true: It’s not you it’s your spouse.  The fact of the matter is that many people end a relationship too quickly and than later regret it. The person who left you may very well one day realize that that was the biggest mistake of his or her life. You might very well be the one that got away, and people in situations just like yours  may always regret it.

Don’t assume that your partner left because he or she didn’t love you, it could have been that he or she didn’t realize he (she) loved you or even that your spouse was afraid of the love he or she felt for you.

I know this does little to ease your hurt but at least your pride can be a little less injured with this knowledge.

Sometimes it is just not the right time. Sometimes you meet someone, and one or the other of you is on the rebound or just not looking for love. Neither of you may realize it right away and when one of you does figure it out and leave it can leave the other person feeling blindsided.

Sometimes we sabotage ourselves. We ignore obvious signs that the other person just isn’t that into us. We pretend they are interested when we know in our heart that they are not. Make sure you are completely honest with yourself about the situation which is good  advice on unrequited love.

You also need to make sure that you are not sabotaging your relationships in other ways. Many people who don’t feel good about themselves have a hard time believing that they are worthy of love. If they feel that way, they often push love away without even realizing it. Make sure that is not what you are doing.

Try to honestly figure out what it is that you are doing that is causing you to love the wrong people or to push love away when you have it.  You may be surprised to find that love really is within your grasp you just have to learn to let it happen in it’s own time and not try to force it.

If any one of these scenarios is the reason they left you it is possible that someday the two of you will come back together. But, do not wait for that day to come. Instead live your life and trust that if it was meant to be, it will be. That is the single hardest thing to do, but it is good advice.

This advice on unrequited love may help you sort things out and find the solution to your relationship issues. It is not always easy to face up to your flaws and make changes, but it can be done. Don’t give up, realize that you are someone who is worthy of love and