Get Your Marriage Back – 7 Temendously Simple Steps for Getting Started

“Get your marriage back?” Does that seem to be easier said than done? Of course it does, and this is especially true if your husband or wife has just left you. 

You may have come here after reading an article on using articles.com or after reading that article as it has been reprinted, with permission, at other sites.

Get Back Together

Get Back Together and Things Will Be Great!

Here is an expanded version of that article with helpful links to similar resources on this topic.  While you are here, look at other helpful articles (blog posts), resources, and webpages that can help you attack problems in your marriage.  Reading about these things can also help you prevent problems before they come up

Get your marriage back, starting today. is that really possible? It is. Here’s how to get started restoring your marriage in 7 easy steps.

Before we get started, though, let’s talk some about experience.  Some say that experience is the best teacher.  It certainly is an effective teacher, but it can be a very painful teacher too.  You can learn from your own experience, and that will help you in the future; however, how much better it would be to learn from other people’s experiences.  Then you would gain some valuable information without having to go through your own pain.
 
I have learned from my own experience.  I have also learned much valuable information from reading about the experiences of others.  I have been able to help others by passing along what I have read or heard.  Some of my best help has come about by introducing people who are going through a certain problem to others who have gone through a similar problem and have come out successful on the other side.
 
My desire in helping others is to give them content that is based on good research, based on my own personal experiences, based on the experiences of others, and is based on timeless truths
 
What are some great steps for getting your marriage back?  Here are some of them.
 
Step 1. Be strong and refrain from acting like you are falling apart.
 
You see, when your partner finally summons up the courage to leave you, he or she gets a newfound sense of power.  If you act like you will just fall apart if your spouse does not come back to you, you will just fuel that feeling of power.  So, though you may be dying inside, don’t act like you will fall apart unless your estranged spouse comes back to you
 
Step 2. Give your spouse some space and time to think.
 
Even though your mate feels empowered by leaving you, you have to understand that he or she is not thinking clearly too.  He or she probably really does need some time to think because in that thinking time, your partner will have a chance to realize some mistakes he or she has made. Also, it will take some time for him or her to realize some of the negative consequences of this action.
 
 
Here is the secret to avoiding an argument.  It is one that you will especially need to use during this time.  It is not necessarily one you will use forever, but it will serve you well as you are trying to get your spouse back.
That simple secret is to agree with your spouse.  You should actually consider what he or she has to say, and when he or she is right, certainly agree with him or her.
 
What if it cannot be proven that he or she is right?  Consider this.  When you deal with matters of opinion that cannot be proved one way or the other, you will do well to agree with your mate’s opinion (even though your opinion might be different).
 
What about when your former lover is “just plain wrong”?  Then, do your best to just “hold your tongue.”
How can an argument get started if you agree?
 
After using this technique temporarily, you will find ways that you can disagree agreeably in the future, but you probably will want to continue on with this technique when you deal with many future occasions.
 
Step 4. Make necessary changes in your own life.
 
Your main desire is to get your marriage back. If you want that to happen, you will have to make some necessary changes in your own life.
 
Even if you do not get your husband or wife back, you will have to go on with life. In either case, you will have to develop a “new you” in the midst of this difficult situation. There are several keys to marital bliss, and you want to reinvent yourself in such a way that you contribute to those keys. (Those keys are related in my book, The LOVING Way to a Successful Marriage: Six keys to Marital Bliss. You can get a free six-session mini-course based on that book right here.)
Six Keys to Marital Bliss

The LOVING Way to a Successful Marriage: Six Keys to Marital Bliss

 
Step 5. Apologize for what you did wrong.
 
You want to formulate this apology carefully.  You do not want it to be a fake apology, so clearly identify what it is, and what it is not, that you are apologizing for.  Then make the apology, but don’t apologize over and over and over again. Remember step one.
 
Step 6. Ask for another chance.
 
At the appropriate time, ask for another chance.  That appropriate time will be after you have given your mate some space and after you have shown how you are improving your own life.
 
Step 7.  After you get back together, keep improving your marriage.
 
Don’t let what you learned during this process be for nothing.  If it appears that it was all just fake, and for the process of dragging your mate back into the old situation, this success will not last long.  Build on the positive changes you have made.  Make your new experience of marriage a priority, and things will be better than ever.

I conduct marriage seminars across the country, and I have discovered that two types of people attend those seminars. The first type includes those whose marriages are in desparate situations. The second type, however, includes those who have great marriages. Why do they attend? It is because they consider their marriages to be one of the highest priorities in their lives. They realize that they have not “arrived yet.”  They are open to constantly learning new things to improve their marriages.

When you get your marriage back, you want to be like that second group and keep on improving your marriage.

One of the ways to do that is to learn how to balance your marriage across six key areas of marital life.  Again, check out The LOVING Way to a Successful Marriage: Six Keys to Marital Bliss.

Relationship Psychology Basics – How They Affect Your Marriage

Many things affect a marriage. For instance, we spend a lot of time trying to learn how to understand our spouses. In

Wedding - Young Married Couple

Relationship Psychology Basics Affect Young Married Couples

 so doing, we find that many psychological issues affect our communication attempts in marriage. Relationship psychology basics can help us comprehend many things. Relationships can take quite different turns. Actually, relationships are peculiar things. One day a relationship will be tremendous, but the next day or just a short time later, it may be horrendously hard for the couple to get along. So, a major thing we want to do in marriage is to learn how to communicate with each other, and many psychological factors affect that. In this article, we will examine how relationship psychology basics affect you and your marriage.

If you don’t understand relationship psychology basics, you may soon find yourself in need of a relationship rescue plan.

What is worse than that, you may find it very difficult to identify the things that trigger good times or bad times. Because of this, you find it almost impossible to predict what will happen in your relationship. These complex realities are the only explanations for how a couple can be madly in love one day, and then they are ready to file for divorce the next?

You see? It all seems to depend upon psychology.

Does that view mean that a psychologist can restore any relationship?

Hardly, but some interesting things to consider do exist. One of my friends who is not a psychologists by trade has had excellent success at helping many people get back together. Even though hid did not have formal psychological training, he does have an excellent understanding of relationship psycology basics. Maybe having some insights into how men and women think will help you maintain your present relationship, and maybe that will also help you to make your current relationship much, much stronger.

The National Institute of Mental Health commissioned a study that found that the majority of young couples (18 to 21 years of age) avoided being overly intimate–in the deepest sense of the word–with one another. The study found that these young people tried to remain as independent as they possibly could in the early years of their relationships.

Even though this was true, the results also showed strong evidence that they worried about being abandoned or rejected. While that was generally true, those with higher self-esteem indicated that they didn’t worry as much as the others.

In addition to those findings about younger people, older couples did not show as much of a tendency for this type of behavior. Probably this is because they have had more life experiences, and, really, they do not worry as much as younger people do about what others think of them.

They just don’t worry as much about breaking up.
Interestingly, this attitude actually makes it less likely that they will break up.

Of course, breakups can happen at any age, not just to young people.

Researchers also record that there are differences between men and women when it comes to conversing. Women sometimes steer the conversation in certain directions, whereas men tend to react to things as they come.

You can easily see how that would cause conflict.

These differences in communication often mean that what you meant to say might not be what the other person perceives you as meaning. Understanding some of these differences can help you when you try to converse with your spouse.

These are a few of the psychological explanations for how relationships develop, but there are many more. Studying the effects of differences between men an women can be fascinating, but just making such a study is not enough to keep the marriage going well. What a good marriage really needs is work and commitment.

If you think that things could be better in your relationship, keep these relationship psychology basics in mind. This information give you a good start to restoring or enriching your relationship. Some professional counselors can help you understand the psychology of relationships, but you can do much research on your own too.

Get all the information you can about relationship psychology basics, and then use that information to your best advantage.

(Copyright 2010 by Dr. Randy Carney) You may reprint this blog post if you print it in full, leave all links and the resource box intact, and give credit to the author.

Your Relationship Rescue Plan – How to Succeed in 3 Easy Steps

Yesterday, we talked about, “What do you really need to get back together?” Today, we will talk about how to formulate a relationship rescue plan.

We can safely assume that everyone would agree that there is no such thing as a perfect relationship. To be fair, many couples do get along very well, but perfection simply is not attainable. On the other hand, some relationships are so far from perfection that they are about to fall apart. If that hits a sore spot, then you may need a relationship rescue.

Even though there are no perfect relationships, you will do well to strive for perfection–to keep trying to improve your relationship. This is important because doing so keeps you focused on the relationship. Couples need to understand that being happy together doesn’t happen without any effort on their part. Good relationships take work. So, if you want to rescue a poor relationship, then you need to be willing to do whatever it takes to make it succeed.

Let’s be blunt. Accomplishing this won’t be easy. It’s hard enough when a relationship is running smoothly, and if yours has problems, it’s going to be much, much harder. But, as they say, all good things are worth fighting for. Get ready. Roll up your sleeves. Let’s get started!

Here are three easy steps to designing and implementing your relationship rescue plan:

1. Step back and look at things.
The first thing you need to do is take a step back and try to look at things as though you are on the outside looking in. How would you describe what’s going on? Where are you at fault? Where could you improve? What things are going well enough to keep you together for now? The goal of questions like these is to help you see things as they really are.

2. Talk to your mate.
Once you have an idea of what’s really going on, you need to talk to your husband or wife. This can be very difficult. The key here is to remain calm, honest, rational and respectful. Do not let things get out of control. You want to avoid arguing at all costs. All you are really doing is presenting the facts as you understand them. You may be surprised to find that your spouse has felt just as you have.

3. Make your relationship rescue plan.
Now that you have talked to each other, it’s time begin making a plan for relationship rescue. Your plan depends on your specific situation. Each person is different, and every couple is different. While there is not one plan that will work for everyone, there are some good resources available that can help you. There are websites, books, guides, counseling options and other resources out there. However, none of them will do you any good unless you actually take action on what you learn.

You need to commit to your plan. It takes time and work, but as your relationship improves, it will seem easier. It will be so much nicer when you start seeing results. Results are a great source of motivation. Once you get a taste of how well your relationship rescue plan works, you will be even more motivated to improve.

Learn more about formulating a relationship rescue plan at the Get Back Together Page on this website.

T.W. Jackson has some great resources that will help with developing your relationship rescue plan.

Happy planning to you!